Learning to relax

We tend to fear the things we don’t understand. Learning about your cancer, its treatment and possible side effects may help lessen your anxiety. Many people find that the more they know about cancer, the more in control and confident they feel. 

If you know the facts, you are better able to cope with the negative stories, myths or misunderstandings about cancer that other people might tell you. However, what has happened to others will not necessarily happen to you. Your treating team is best placed to help explain what you can expect.

You may have lots of questions for your doctors – write them down before the visit to help you remember them. If you don’t understand what they say, ask them to explain it in a different way. It can also help to take someone with you for support. 

Talking about your concerns and fears may help. You might be able to see your problem more clearly and find new ways of coping when you share your feelings, rather than bottling them up. 

Talk to someone you feel comfortable with. It might be someone close to you – a family member or friend. It may be your doctor or nurse, social worker or spiritual adviser. You might prefer professional counselling from a psychologist. Your doctor will be able to provide you with a referral.

Each person will have different needs for support. Some may want information on practical support or treatment options and coping with side effects. Other people find it helpful being with others who have been through similar experiences.

There are many ways to connect with others for mutual support. These include:

• face to face support groups – held in the community or in hospitals
• telephone support groups – provided by trained facilitators
• peer support programs – speak to someone who has had a similar cancer experience
• online forums – such as Cancer Connections Australia.

People looking after someone with cancer may like to join a carers’ support group.

Accept offers of help. Most people really want to help, but often don’t know how to. Create a list of jobs, which could include transport to appointments, cooking meals, food shopping, caring for pets, washing and cleaning.

Think of yourself and your own needs. Don’t try to do everything, instead concentrate on doing the things that really matter. Take time out when you need it, and rest when you are tired. This is as important for carers as it is for people with cancer.

Allow yourself to say no to things you can’t cope with, including visitors. If you have trouble saying no, ask someone to do it for you. 

Sometimes problems can crowd your mind and make it difficult to see solutions. Try taking some time to sit down quietly. Start by relaxing, maybe try a few deep breaths. Then try to sort quietly through the things that are worrying you. You might like to do this alone, or with someone else.

You could start by listing your different concerns, both large and small. Then choose one or two that you want to work on – things that can be changed or helped. For instance, you might be worried about managing your family or concerned about the side effects of treatment. Then list things you can do, writing down every solution you can think of, even the ones that seem too difficult or unrealistic.

For instance, your list might include:

• asking your doctor to talk to you about issues you are most concerned about
• speaking to a cancer nurse by calling 13 11 20
• setting aside some time just to be with your partner or your children every day
• organising a cleaner, or asking your local council how they can help
• organising a roster for the family and friends to help at home
• having time away – our Holiday Break program offers short breaks to those affected by cancer.

Select one or more solutions that seem possible and give them a try. 

Try to eat a balanced diet

Sometimes you might not feel like eating or preparing food, but eating a balanced diet, even if you don’t eat a lot, will help you to feel as well as possible. The dietitian at your treatment centre can provide advice. If friends and family offer to help, suggest meal preparation and don’t forget to let them know which foods you are and aren’t enjoying.

Exercise when you can

Exercise has proven to be beneficial for those affected by cancer. It can help you to release tension and feel more relaxed. If you are able to, return to exercise you have enjoyed in the past, or try gentle exercise such as walking, swimming or yoga. Check with your doctor before starting exercise.

Try to get enough sleep

Cancer can cause anxiety which could interrupt your normal sleep patterns. Relaxation techniques may help you sleep. If you are lying awake worrying about something you haven’t done, get up and do it, or read and then try sleeping again. If you have a sleep problem that is worrying you, seek advice from your doctor. 

Continuing with your hobbies can help you stay connected with people and activities you enjoy. Try to get out of the house regularly, even if only for short outings. Listen to music or watch a movie, take a long relaxing bath or do something creative – anything you find relaxing or satisfying.

Often when people are diagnosed with cancer, the spiritual aspect of their lives becomes more important. Spiritual support can come in many forms. People often find comfort in meditation, quiet contemplation or prayer.

Others find feelings of unity and support from being part of a group or congregation. Receiving pastoral care from a religious or spiritual adviser, or a hospital chaplain can often help people, even if they are not part of an organised religion.