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Information currently under review
Treatment-related fatigueReconstructive surgery, prostheses
Surgery for cancer can be uncomfortable and can change the way you look and feel. Radiotherapy or chemotherapy may go on for weeks or months, and side effects can include nausea, hair loss, fatigue, cramps, skin changes or weight changes.
Side effects can make you feel miserable and negative and it is sometimes difficult to convince yourself that you are recovering when you feel ill. It often helps to remind yourself that it is only the treatment making you feel bad, and this is only temporary. If you are worried about this, you should discuss it with your doctor.
Most people find it easier to cope if they understand the treatment and the possible side effects. Many side effects can be prevented or eased through medication, by changing the treatment, or by changing your diet.
Ask your doctor about your treatment and the likely side effects. Other health professionals can also be a good source of information-nurses, radiation therapists, dietitians, etc. ‘Look Good Feel Better' is a program run by voluntary beauticians who show women how to use make-up, scarves, wigs, etc to help increase their self-esteem. You can obtain information on this program, booklets and other information from your treatment centre or the Cancer Council Helpline.
Fatigue is the most common side effect of cancer treatment.
Fatigue due to cancer treatment is different from everyday tiredness. It can occur suddenly. Unlike everyday tiredness, it is not necessarily brought on by exercise or a long day's activity. Resting does not always help to relieve the fatigue.
Fatigue can be overwhelming. It can touch many parts of your life. Take short rests if you need to. Gentle exercise (for example, walking) appears to reduce feelings of fatigue.
Facing cancer together can strengthen everything that is good in a relationship. Sometimes, however, cancer can strain a relationship, particularly one which already has other problems. Sharing feelings with each other is usually the first step towards finding solutions. Many people find ways to face and overcome the stresses cancer places on their relationship, and find strength in each other.
Sometimes a trained counsellor, a family therapist or a social worker can help you find ways to help each other. Talking with a Cancer Connect volunteer or joining a support group with other couples dealing with cancer can be helpful, even in dealing with intimate problems. The usual personal barriers often fall in such circumstances, and people who have coped with the stresses of cancer can often help others.
Cancer and its treatment can change your self-image.
It is difficult to feel good about yourself when you feel unwell. Surgery, loss of a body part, hair loss, nausea, skin changes caused by radiation, even fatigue, can make people feel physically or sexually unattractive. As awkward as it may seem, you need to find ways to talk about this with your partner. Maybe you are avoiding physical contact with your partner in case you are rejected. Remember that in most cases your partner is more concerned about your wellbeing than their own. The main concerns are probably ‘Will treatment succeed?' or ‘How can I show my love and support?' Sex is usually much less important. Your partner may be holding back from you because they don't want to place demands on you. If so, it may be up to you to show what you want.
Remember that there are many ways of sharing love and finding satisfaction. Everyone is different. For some people, sexual intercourse is very important. For others it is not. Touching, stroking and kissing, or simply holding each other, can be equally important and enjoyable. Try to talk with your partner about any changes, doubts or problems in your lovemaking. Talking openly can do a lot to reassure both of you of your affection and need for each other.
Professional advice can also help if you are having sexual problems, or if you find it difficult to talk openly with your partner. Your doctor or social worker might be able to help directly or refer you to a specialist counsellor. Or you can ask at your hospital or contact the Cancer Council Helpline.
It can be very disturbing to see the person you love become ill and go through all the discomforts and side effects of cancer and its treatment. Now more than ever, your partner needs your support, acceptance and love. Some people find this hard at times-partly because of the strains of the whole situation, partly, maybe, because of physical changes in their partner.
You might feel awkward about physical contact because you think your partner is not ready for it and will think you insensitive. Touching, holding, hugging and caressing are all ways to show your love and care. More than words, they show that you still find your partner desirable, despite any bodily changes.
It can be a very difficult time, and the way you cope as a couple will probably reflect your relationship before the cancer. Your partner might withdraw from you in a mixture of anxiety, illness, self-doubt or a mistaken idea of what your feelings are. It is important to talk openly together if you can. If you both hold back, misunderstandings can easily develop. As the well partner, you may need to reach out gently and repeatedly, if necessary, to provide reassurance and love.
If barriers begin to grow, perhaps a professional counsellor can help you work out your reactions toward your partner or the disease, or your feelings that too much responsibility has been placed upon your shoulders.
It takes time to rebuild mind and body after the experience of cancer. The understanding and affection of your partner and family may help you to adjust to your changed body. In the early days, while you are having treatment, try planning special activities for the days when you feel well, to brace yourself for the days when you might feel awful.
‘Listen. Be there. A touch on the hand, sitting by the bed, just being there when a person is not feeling well. There is so much value in holding a hand, giving a hug.'
In the longer term, some people find that physical activities - sports, dancing classes, exercise - can help them to feel good about themselves again. Writing, playing music, painting, building furniture, sewing and reading all provide creative outlets which can give you a sense of achievement and help you to feel good again. Try to build in an activity you enjoy several times a week.
For some people, either reconstructive surgery (surgery which rebuilds the damaged area of your body) or prostheses (artificial replacements for part of the body) can make you look and feel much better about yourself.
For women, there are a range of breast prostheses available which are comfortable, fit well, and look natural. Some women may choose to have their breast reconstructed surgically. There are experts who build lifelike prostheses for people who have had surgery to their face or mouth. This helps these people to go out in public again with some degree of confidence. For those who have had a voice box removed, there is a range of devices to produce an artificial voice. Prostheses are also available to replace ears, eyes, arms and legs.
Reconstructive surgery or a prosthesis may help if you feel it will make you more confident around people. However, you do not have to have surgery or prostheses if that is what you wish: it is really up to other people to make the adjustment, not you.
