How being a carer can leave you feeling like a ‘zombie’

There are more than three million carers across Australia – an often-unseen and unpaid workforce supporting family, friends and the community.

This National Carers Week we spoke to Nora, who cared for her 71-year-old father, Patricio when he was diagnosed with stomach cancer.

Nora (second from the right) with her siblings

Nora says being an unpaid carer is like standing on a road with cars constantly speeding past you. She already worked fulltime at a care organisation, and outside her job she had young children to care for and a mother who required regular support.

When her father was diagnosed with advanced stomach cancer, Nora (along with her four siblings) quickly took on the role of his carer and interpreter. Her dad didn’t speak much English, so she held the responsibility of telling him about his diagnosis.

“It was really hard for me to tell him”, she said. “But I did have to tell him, I had to get the strength from somewhere.”

Nora translated everything for her father, who couldn’t have a conversation with his doctor alone, and advocated on his behalf. She’d stay the night in his hospital room at least two nights a week, and her siblings would support him on the other nights.

She also created a document to track his medication when he was being cared for at home, which helped her siblings stay up to date and communicate with each other.

Nora's father, Patricio, with her mother

The emotional impact of caring

Looking back on this time in her life as a carer, Nora says she felt extremely isolated and overwhelmed. She says carers are often too busy to even stay up to date with the news or reach out to someone for a chat – they’re just trying to get by.

“I have seen movies about zombies and that’s exactly how I felt,” she says. “I kind of felt that I was so numb and just walking like on autopilot, I actually felt like a robot.”

Nora continued working through this time and often struggled to deal with the emotions which came up while helping people in a similar situation. Unable to properly rest or sleep at night, she’d have dizzy episodes and struggle through the days.

“I knew that it was a lack of sleep and lack of self-care, but how do you do that when you have a job to do? We relied on each other to provide that 24-hour care – we couldn’t leave him without that.”

The financial impact of caring

Tarishi Desai, McCabe Centre’s Manager of Treatment & Supportive Care, says caring can impact many aspects of a person’s life.

“Carers often carry a heavy load — managing complex healthcare needs, rising costs, and reduced income, all while coping with their own emotional and physical strain,” she says.

For Nora, it wasn’t an option to reduce her work hours when her family relied on her income to pay the mortgage. One of her brothers left his job to care for their dad, and Nora helped as much as she could – sometimes having to use her annual leave.

While Nora was at work or caring for her dad, she’d pay for a babysitter to be with her kids and sometimes help her mum during the day. Her brother received some financial support as a fulltime carer, but Nora says that it was difficult finding the right information and support services during such an overwhelming time.

“It’s essential that we stand up for carer’s rights and strengthen the systems that should support them,” says Tarishi. “From healthcare systems to workplace laws and policies and other legal protections. Carers deserve recognition, resources, and relief. No one should have to shoulder this burden alone.”

Nora encourages those currently going through something similar to reach out for help, and to not feel selfish about taking care of yourself . Whether it’s connecting with someone who’s been there through a peer support program like Cancer Connect, reaching out to a cancer counselling service or contacting cancer support, there are ways to get the help you need.

“The gate is open to ask for support,” she says. “Don’t be afraid to work in collaboration with healthcare providers. And if they say no to your request, try a different door because there will be a door that’s open for you.”

Learn more about caring for someone with cancer, or call 13 11 20 to speak to an experienced health professional.