Page last updated: September 2025
The information on this webpage was adapted from Sex, Intimacy and Cancer - A guide for people with cancer and their partners (2025 edition). This webpage was last updated in September 2025.
Expert content reviewers:
This information is based on research into sex after cancer treatment, and was developed with help from a range of health professionals and people affected by cancer:
- Dr Michael Lowy, Sexual Health Physician, Sydney Men’s Health, NSW
- Gregory Bock, Clinical Nurse Consultant – Oncology Coordinator, Urology Cancer Nurse Coordination Service, Cancer Network WA
- Anita Brown-Major, Occupational Therapist and Director, Thrive Rehab, VIC
- Helena Green, Psychosexual Therapist and Clinical Sexologist, Insync for Life Psychology and Women Centre, WA
- Dr Lisa Mackenzie, Clinical Psychologist, HNE Centre for Gynaecological Cancer, Hunter New England Local Health District, NSW
- Dr Tonia Mezzini, Sexual Health Physician, East Obstetrics and Gynaecology, SA
- Sophie Otto, Prostate Cancer Nurse Consultant – Central Adelaide Local Health Network (CALHN), SA
- Giovanna Raco, 13 11 20 Consultant, Cancer Council Victoria
- Kath Schubach, Urology Nurse Practitioner, VIC
- Emily Stevens, Gynaecology Oncology Clinical Nurse Consultant, Southern Adelaide Local Health Network, Flinders Medical Centre, SA
- Anja Vukovic, Clinical Specialist Social Worker, Gynaecological Oncology, Westmead Hospital, NSW
- Alan White, Consumer
- Kathleen Wilkins, Consumer
- Merran Williams, Consumer
Sex and intimacy are an important part of our life. They are how we experience physical and emotional closeness, pleasure and develop intimate relationships.
On these pages, we hope to give you practical ways to adapt to any physical or emotional changes you may experience, and explore ways to maintain intimacy.
This is for everyone, no matter what your sex, gender or sexual orientation, or whether you are in a relationship or not. The term “partner” means the person/s you choose to share a close, intimate relationship with.
When we talk about anatomy, we use the words “female” and “male” to refer to parts of the body, not a gender. Some people, including those who identify as transgender and non-binary, may have diverse gender identities or experiences of their bodies.
LGBTQI+ people and cancer
Sex and intimacy explained
How you express yourself sexually is shaped by many things, including:
- your relationships and whether you have a partner
- physical and mental health
- culture, values and beliefs
- opportunities and interests
- caring responsibilities, and
- how you feel about yourself (your self-esteem).
Sexual expression – This is about who you are, how you see yourself, and how you communicate your desires. You can show this in many ways, including by the clothes you wear, the way you move, how you have sex, and who you have sex with.
Your role in a sexual relationship may also affect your sexual expression.
Sexual orientation – This describes the attraction you feel towards another person. Some examples include heterosexual (straight), homosexual (gay or lesbian) and bisexual (attracted to men and women).
Some people’s sexual orientation is fluid, and may change.
Sex and sexual activity – Sex is more than intercourse or penetration. It also includes touching, kissing, masturbation and oral sex.
Intimacy – Feeling close and connected to someone can be physical or emotional. Intimacy can mean sharing feelings of love and care. It can also mean feeling valued, safe and trusting someone.
You may share your thoughts and feelings, a special place, or a meaningful experience.
Sex is one way to show intimacy, but intimacy is not only about sex. Intimate touch like kissing, cuddling or holding hands is often still important, even for people who don’t want other types of sexual activity.
“My husband has more sexual needs than me, and during my treatment he didn’t pressure me or make me feel bad about not initiating sex… I really appreciated it.” Catherine
How can cancer treatment affect your sex life?
Cancer can affect your relationship with partners, family, friends and colleagues. Many people say cancer treatment also changes their sex life and intimacy. These changes may last for a short time, a long time, or be permanent.
For some people, this is one of the hardest parts of life during or after cancer. Although some people with cancer say that sex is the last thing on their mind, others still want the closeness and comfort that intimacy can bring.
Cancer and the stress of everyday life may mean sex and intimacy are not a priority, but this can change with time. Sex after cancer may be different.
Treatment, getting older or other medical conditions may mean accepting that you’ll never have your previous sexual ability. But you can still find ways to have a fulfilling sex life, that is “good enough”.
You may need to try new ways to connect – both physically and emotionally. Taking time to focus on intimacy may help strengthen your relationship.
Adapting to changes in your sex life
Changes to how you enjoy sexual intimacy and activity can be challenging and upsetting. Give yourself time to adjust. You might find that the suggestions below for adapting to how you have sex after cancer are a useful place to start.
Talk about what has changed
Share any concerns you have, about sex or being intimate, with your partner. Tell them when you feel ready to have sex, what still works for you, what doesn’t, and if they should do anything differently.
Try other forms of intimacy
Show affection by cuddling, holding hands, lying together naked, kissing or giving a massage. Discuss what’s changed to avoid misunderstandings and take the pressure off going any further.
Explore different ways to have sex
If the way you used to have sex has changed, try new sexual positions or explore different erogenous zones.
You could try manual sex using fingers for penetration, mutual masturbation, oral sex, genital rubbing with personal lubricants (lube), vibrators or sex toys, erotic images and stories, or sexual fantasies.
Plan ahead
Using lubricants (lube) and erection devices, taking medicines, and managing incontinence or stomas may all mean you have to plan when to have sex.
Some people say they miss spontaneity, others find that scheduling sexual activity gives them something to look forward to.
Focus on other aspects of your relationship
Many people in relationships don’t see sex as the most important part of being together. Feelings about sex may also change as you get older.
Spend time doing things you both enjoy and that may bring you closer. Then sex isn’t the only way you show affection and share intimacy.
Use relaxation and meditation techniques
Feeling relaxed can help you enjoy sex more. You can use free apps and podcasts to guide you through relaxation and meditation techniques. Many treatment centres run meditation programs.
Listen to our Finding Calm During Cancer podcast.
Explore what has changed on your own
Touch and masturbation can help you to understand what has changed in how you feel. You have complete control and can find out what feels good, or what feels sore or numb, without any pressure to “perform” or to keep going with a partner.
Once you feel more comfortable, you can show your partner what feels good and what works best for you.
Seek help
Ask your health care team how to manage any sexual changes. Your doctor can also refer you to a sexual health physician, sex therapist or psychosexual counsellor.
The types of challenges you may face
Treatment or the cancer itself may cause a physical change to how you can have sex, the sensations you feel and your enjoyment of sex, or whether you still feel like having sex.
Physical changes
You may want to have sex, but your body may not respond like it used to. Some sexual positions or activities may be uncomfortable or different now. It’s natural to feel sad or upset about the loss of your previous sex life or desire.
Try to focus on creating intimacy and pleasure in new ways, instead of recreating how you used to have sex (e.g. kissing then penetration).
Sex may be different after a cancer diagnosis, but it can still be good. You may find new ways to enjoy it and feel close to your partner.
Emotional changes
Cancer can influence how you feel about your body (body image), your emotions and your relationships. These things can affect your interest in sex.
It is stressful finding out you have cancer. If you had stress already in your life or relationship, this may become more intense. It’s important to find ways to manage stress and take care of your emotional wellbeing.
For teenagers and young adults
Young people with cancer need to continue to develop and mature. This includes living as normally as possible, going on dates or having a partner.
But this can feel hard, especially with changes to how you look, fertility issues, or if you don’t have much experience of sex. As well as talking to your treatment team or a sex therapist, you could get in touch with Canteen.
They offer counselling in person, over the phone, by email or direct message (DM). They also run online forums and camps.
Communicating with your partner
Talking about changes to your sex life and intimacy can be difficult. If you already had communication or intimacy problems before, a cancer diagnosis can make these worse.
Misunderstandings, different expectations and different ways of dealing with change can all cause tension. Or you may feel distant from each other.
In some Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander communities, and some other cultures, it’s taboo for men and women to talk about sexual matters with each other.
If this applies to you, try other ways to express your needs or show what you want. It may help to talk to a counsellor, or visit Our Mob and Cancer.
Don’t avoid the topic
It can seem easier to avoid talking about sex when you are both tired from dealing with cancer and treatment. Even partners who are usually comfortable sharing their thoughts with each other may not have talked much about sex before.
This may be because of:
- embarrassment
- not having time or privacy
- not feeling confident
- fear of rejection
- waiting for the other person to bring it up, or
- assuming things are okay or normal.
Being able to communicate your needs, feelings and thoughts to your partner is now more important than ever. This can help prevent frustrations or tension, for example, if one of you is avoiding sex.
Talk openly
You can adjust to changes in your sex life after cancer with good communication. Let your partner know what you’re going through and how they can help you cope.
Talk about how your relationship is changing, how you’re both feeling, and what you’re both worried about. Discuss what you want or hope for, and ways you can enjoy intimacy during and after cancer or treatment.
Choose the right time and place
Sometimes it’s better to talk about sex away from the bedroom. Choose a time when you aren’t tired, rushed or upset about something else.
You can also make plans for other ways to be close. Or explore sensual activities that don’t involve penetrative sex, such as hugging, skin-to-skin contact or massage.
Talk to your partner about how they are feeling about sex
Your partner may be worried about hurting you or being too eager. Some people avoid all touch because they don’t know what feels okay.
Talking about how you both feel can help you understand the situation better. You can ask your partner what they want and discuss what feels comfortable for you.
Build your connection
A healthy relationship and trust help you feel safe and confident during sex. Feeling close and being able to talk and listen with respect can make a big difference. We all need emotional support.
Sometimes, it may help to take a step back, and ensure that the foundation of your relationship is strong, before focusing on sex.
Ask for help
If talking about sex feels awkward for you or your partner, or you find it difficult to talk to each other without becoming upset, counselling may help.
Call Cancer Council 13 11 20, ask your doctor or nurse, or see find a psychologist, relationship counsellor or sex therapist. They can help you talk about your sexual concerns and find ways to meet each other’s needs.
Not feeling like sexual partners
During cancer, relationships often change. Sometimes it happens gradually almost without noticing, while other times it’s sudden and obvious. Talking about these changes can help with concerns about sex and intimacy.
Spending time together as a couple can rebuild closeness. Changing your location can help you both relax and focus on things other than cancer.
This could be a weekend away, going to a restaurant or simply getting out of the house or hospital to sit in a park.
Talking with a new partner
You may be nervous about starting a sexual relationship with someone new. It can be hard to know when to tell a potential sexual partner about any changes to your body (e.g. having a breast removed, trouble getting an erection, or living with a stoma).
You may also worry about how someone will react to seeing you naked for the first time, or feel unsure about how to explain any issues with fertility. Take your time and when you feel ready let a new partner know how cancer has changed your body.
It may help to practise what you want to say with someone you trust. Think about answers to any questions your partner may have. Start with small amounts of information and share more details if they ask.
Before starting any kind of sexual activity, you may want to show them how your body looks now. This can help you both feel more comfortable and get used to any changes.
A sex therapist can also help you to understand and manage any underlying physical, psychological and emotional concerns. Ask your doctor for a referral.
Ways to start a conversation about sex
It can feel hard to know how to begin a conversation sometimes, especially about a sensitive subject like sex. Even if these suggestions don’t fit your situation, they might give you a good starting point.
Talking with your partner
- “I feel like I don’t have the energy for sex, but I’m worried about how that makes you feel. Can we talk and work out a plan together?”
- “I’m happy to cuddle, but I’m not ready for sex – can we agree to just cuddle for now?”
- “There are some things we could try that may help us feel close and connected, without ‘going all the way’.”
- “I want to show you how I like to be touched and the places that are sore and out of bounds.”
- “I feel ready for sex again, but I’d like to take things slowly.”
- “I really miss our sex life. When can we talk about being physically close again?”
- “That’s the right spot, but a lighter touch would feel better.”
- “I’m not avoiding sex, but I don’t feel as confident about it since my body has changed.”
- “Can we talk with someone who can help us with our sex issues?”
Talking with a new partner
- “The cancer treatment changed my body. It’s hard to talk about the changes, but I want you to know that after treatment I now have... (e.g. a stoma/erection problems/ a narrow vagina).”
- “I really like where our relationship is going. I want to tell you that I have/ have had cancer. I’m afraid you might not find me attractive or that you’d rather be with someone who doesn’t have or hasn’t had cancer. What do you think?”
- “I’m still interested in sex, but we need to do things a little differently. Are you okay with that?”
- “I haven’t had sex since my cancer treatment, and I’m nervous about how it will go. How do you feel about taking things slowly?”
- “Before we get serious, I want to tell you how cancer treatment affected my fertility. I can’t have children naturally, but I want to be a parent. Would you be interested in exploring other ways of becoming a parent, if that’s something that we both see in our future?”
Frequently asked questions
How could cancer affect my sex life?
Cancer and its treatments can have side effects. These changes can affect your sex life, including:
- your feelings, emotions and mental health
- changes in hormone levels that affect sexual desire and response
- your physical ability to give and receive sexual pleasure
- fatigue, energy levels and pain
- how you feel about your body and your level of self-esteem.
When you are first diagnosed with cancer, it’s natural to have a range of emotions. You may feel grief, anger, anxiety, sadness, fear, guilt, self-consciousness, shame or depression. These feelings can affect your sex life.
You can read more about this on our Emotions and cancer web page.
How soon can I have sex?
This depends on the treatment and how quickly you recover – both physically and emotionally. You can kiss or touch most parts of the body as soon as you feel comfortable. Ask your doctor how long to wait before sex, including penetrative sex.
After a mastectomy, ask how long until you can put pressure on the area. This is called a minimum waiting period and helps to prevent injury or infection.
It’s natural to worry or be nervous about having sex again after cancer treatment. If you feel unwell or not ready, it’s okay to wait. Don’t feel pressured to do anything before you’re ready.
Will I put my partner at risk?
You can’t catch cancer from someone, or pass it on to your partner through sex. But during some treatments, you may need to use barrier contraception (condoms or dental dams). This may be to protect your partner from body fluids, or to avoid pregnancy.
Chemotherapy
These drugs may stay in body fluids for several days. Depending on the drug and how often you are having treatment, you may need to use protection. For penetrative intercourse, including anal sex, use condoms or female condoms.
For oral sex, use condoms, female condoms or dental dams (latex squares). Wear latex gloves if using hands on the genitals or for penetration. Some chemotherapy may pass into the saliva, so check if open-mouth kissing should be avoided.
Ask your doctor what safety steps you may need to take, and for how long, especially if you are having ongoing chemotherapy.
Radiation therapy
If you are having internal radiation (brachytherapy or radioactive seeds), you will usually need to use a condom during and for a while after treatment.
If you are having external radiation therapy, it’s safe to have sex once you get home, as the radiation doesn’t stay in your body for long.
Immunotherapy
After each Bacillus Calmette-Guérin (BCG) treatment for bladder cancer, use barrier protection for a week. Many other immunotherapy treatments are new, so your doctor may suggest you use protection and avoid pregnancy for a time.
Will my doctor talk to me about sex?
Sex is a normal and important part of health, but it’s something your doctor might not discuss with you. Even if cancer or its treatment affects your sex life, your doctor may not talk to you about it for several reasons:
- If you don’t ask about sex concerns, your doctor may think that you don’t want to talk about it. They may worry that they’ll offend you if they bring it up.
- There may not be time during your appointments to talk about issues like sex. Or, there may not be a private space where you can comfortably have a discussion.
- Your doctor or health professional may feel uncomfortable talking to you about sex.
- You may not know that there are treatments available for many sexual concerns, so you don’t think to ask your treatment team.
Many cancer treatments affect sex and intimacy. That’s why it’s important to know what to expect and how to have sex safely.
During and after treatment, you can ask questions and share your concerns with your doctor. If they don’t know how to help you, or don’t feel comfortable talking to you about sex, they should refer you to someone who does.
If you don’t feel safe or comfortable talking with your doctor, ask another person on the team for a referral to someone else (e.g. if you want to see a female or male doctor). You can also call Cancer Council 13 11 20.
Before starting cancer treatment, it’s important to talk to your doctor about ways to preserve your fertility, such as egg or sperm storage. See our Fertility and cancer web page.
Who can I talk to?
Your general practitioner (GP), doctor or nurse can refer you to health professionals for help with specific concerns. This may include a continence nurse, social worker, sex therapist or occupational therapist among others.
Question checklist
Below is a list of questions that you could ask your health professional. It may help you start a conversation about your sexual health and concerns.
Before or during treatment
- Could this treatment affect my sex life, libido, hormones or fertility? What are the risks?
- Are changes likely to be temporary or permanent? How long will they last?
- What can be done to keep my sexual function and pleasure? Are there treatments that can help?
- Is it safe to have sex or masturbate? Do I need to take any precautions?
- Is there anything I should avoid when having sex?
- What type of contraception should I use, and for how long? Is it safe to get pregnant, or to get my partner pregnant?
Side effects and concerns after treatment
- Sex doesn’t feel the same as it used to. What can I do?
- I want to have sex, but find it hard to feel aroused. What can help?
- I’ve lost interest in sex. Is there anything that could help? When will I feel like, or enjoy, sex or being intimate again?
- What problems may I have with intercourse or penetration?
- It hurts when I have sex. Why is this, and how can I manage it?
- Why can’t I get an erection? Will this be temporary? What are my options if I can’t get an erection?
- Why don’t I ejaculate anymore?
- How can I manage the symptoms of menopause? Could menopausal hormone therapy help?
- I have vaginal dryness. What can I do? Is oestrogen cream safe to use?
- How can I stretch my vagina? Is it safe, and who can help me learn about vaginal dilators?
- I’m having trouble feeling confident about my body and reaching orgasm. Will things improve?
- I’m worried I can’t satisfy my partner anymore. What can I do?
- Can you refer me to a sex therapist? Is there anyone else who might be able to help?