Surrogacy may be an option if you are unable or do not wish to carry a pregnancy. For example, you may choose a surrogate to carry your embryo if you do not have a uterus or you have been advised that it is medically too risky to carry a pregnancy.

In Australia, a surrogate is a healthy female who carries a donated embryo to term. The surrogate cannot use her own eggs. Either your or a donor provide the egg and sperm to create an embryo.

This embryo is implanted into the uterus of the surrogate through IVF. It’s common for people to ask someone they know to be the surrogate. You can cover the surrogate’s medical costs and other reasonable expenses.

In Australia, it is illegal to advertise for a surrogate or pay a person to be a surrogate. Paid surrogacy is legal in some countries.

However, in some Australian states and territories it is a criminal offence for residents to enter into commercial surrogacy arrangements overseas – you will need to check that it is legal in your state or territory.

It is also important to seek independent legal advice about parentage, citizenship and any conditions you and the surrogate have to meet. To find out more about international surrogacy, visit Smart Traveller.

Surrogacy is a complex process. The fertility clinic organising it ensures that both the donor and surrogate go through counselling and psychological testing before the process begins.

An ethics committee may also have to approve your case. This ensures that everyone involved makes a well-informed decision.

This is general information about surrogacy. Laws regulating surrogacy vary across Australia and may change. Check with your local fertility clinic or legal adviser for the current legislation in your state or territory.

It’s best to consult a lawyer before making a surrogacy arrangement. Further information can be found at Surrogacy in Australia.

Adoption involves becoming the legal parent of a child who is not biologically yours and looking after them permanently.

Although the number of adoptions in Australia each year is low, you may be able to adopt a child within Australia or from an overseas country.

Fostering (foster care) means taking responsibility for a child without becoming the legal parent. Types of foster care include emergency, respite, short-term and long-term care. In Australia, there are more opportunities to foster than to adopt.

Most adoption and fostering agencies say they do not rule out adoption or fostering for cancer survivors based on their medical history alone. However, all applicants must declare their health status.

The agency may also speak directly with your doctor and require you to have a medical examination. The intention is to determine the risk of the cancer returning and your capacity to raise a child.

Applicants for adoption and fostering must also be willing to meet other criteria. The agency from your state or territory may send a representative to assess your home, and you will have a criminal record (background) check.

The process depends on where you live and if the child is from Australia or overseas. For more information about adoption and foster care, visit the family and community service government website in your state or territory.

Intercountry Adoption Australia is an information and referral service to help guide people through the overseas adoption process. 

A cancer diagnosis, infertility and changes to your sex life can cause tension in a relationship. Some partners are very supportive, while others avoid talking about it.

If your partner is unwilling to talk about fertility, you might feel like you’re coping alone or making all the decisions. It can also be challenging if you and your partner disagree about what to do and focus on different outcomes.

Your partner will also experience a range of emotions, which may include helplessness, frustration, fear, anger and sadness. Seeing a fertility counsellor can help you talk about these issues and develop strategies to manage conflict.

If you are in a new relationship, you may be worried about your partner’s reaction to your diagnosis or to explaining any fertility concerns.

Start the conversation when you feel ready. It may be easier if you practise what you want to say – and how you would respond to questions your partner may ask – with a friend, family member or health professional.

Sexuality is about who you are, how you see yourself, how you express yourself sexually and your sexual feelings for others. Being able to conceive a child may be part of your identity, and infertility may change how you feel about yourself.

You may feel that sex is linked with the stress of infertility, and you may lose interest in intimacy and sex (low libido).

Body image – Fertility concerns may affect how you feel about your body (body image). You may feel that your body has “let you down”. It will take time to accept any physical and emotional changes. It may be helpful to:

• look after your body with exercise, eating well and sleep
• spend time with a partner doing something you both enjoy.

Resuming sexual activity after cancer treatment – Some cancer treatments may cause physical problems, such as pain during penetrative sex or trouble getting and keeping an erection.

These problems may be difficult for you and your partner, if you have one, but can be managed in various ways:

• think about what used to get you sexually aroused and explore if it still does
• explore different erogenous zones, mutual masturbation, oral sex, personal lubricants, sex toys, erotic images and stories
• focus on getting in the mood and making foreplay enjoyable to take the pressure off getting pregnant
• talk to each other about how fertility concerns are affecting you and discuss ways you can keep enjoying sex (e.g. “I just want to cuddle now” or “That feels good”).

If you need further support, talk to a counsellor or sex therapist. Your doctor can refer you to one or you can call Cancer Council 13 11 20.

Sex, Intimacy and Cancer