Returning to 'normal'

Friday 29 January, 2010

Reviewed by: A/P Michael Jefford MBBS, MPH, MHlthsevMt, PhD, MRACMA, FRACP, Consultant Medical Oncologist, Peter Mac; Dr. Carrie Lethborg, MSW, PhD, St. Vincent's Hospital

On this page: Difficulties of returning to a new ‘normal' | Doing things in your own time | How to cope with getting your life back

Some people quickly return to an active and full life after their treatment finishes. But for other people it can be hard.

Try not to feel alone if you're struggling. Many cancer survivors have problems getting back to normal day-to-day life after treatment. In fact, many say that you never get back to the ‘normal' way you lived before your cancer diagnosis. You find a new way of living and your ‘normal' is now different.

‘You never get back to the normal before you had cancer. It's a series of evolution - evolving as a different person.' (Julie)

Difficulties of returning to a new ‘normal'

How you feel and what you have to cope with will depend on the type of cancer you had. Any long-term side effects from your treatment will also play a big part.

As many as 75% of cancer survivors have problems with their health because of their cancer treatment. More than half suffer from ongoing pain. And nearly three-quarters have depression at some stage in their illness or after care. Fatigue is also a big problem for many people long after their treatment's over. All these symptoms can make day-to-day living difficult. People around you may not even realise you're suffering, which can make it even harder to cope with.

Other, more visible side effects can make returning to work, sport and a social life very hard. For example, surgery may mean that you can no longer do certain things. Scars can affect your body image and ability to talk or eat. Treatments may have affected your sex life, your ability to work and socialise. This can be very distressing.

Other people may not understand why you might be finding things tough. They may even say things like, ‘Now your treatment is over, you must be looking forward to getting back into your life and returning to "normal".' Your first reactions might be, ‘Yep, for sure, of course I am'. But you may soon realise that returning to ‘normal' isn't that easy.

What does ‘normal' mean anyway? How can you be expected to pick up where you left off before you were diagnosed with cancer? Others may expect you to, but you might not feel able or even want to go back to how life was before your treatment. Many survivors say that they feel like a different person, having been through a life changing experience. You may have different values, interests and attitudes about life now.

‘You come out and everybody says, "You're okay now, and you can go back to your life," but you're completely different from how you went in. Physically, emotionally, you're a wreck; you just don't feel like the same person. Bloated, put on a lot of weight, can't walk properly, don't have any hair, extraordinarily tired. You know ... they tell you it's over but it doesn't feel over.' (Georgina)

Doing things in your own time

Give yourself time to adjust after you finish your treatment. This is most important if there have been major changes in the way you look, feel or how you can move around or communicate. Take things at your own pace. You don't need to sort out everything at once. It can take time to find the right way to deal with each problem. Try not to be led by what others think you should be doing.

There will come a time when you might need to push yourself a bit: to do everyday things again like shopping and seeing friends, or to go back to work. To begin with, this may feel very scary. Staying at home may seem much easier. But in the long term, most people say that getting out and about does make them feel better.

Tips on how to cope with getting your life back

Everyone deals in their own way with life after treatment. Some people have a lot of love and support from family and friends. Others don't. Some nurses and doctors talk and advise about coping after treatment while others don't.

Life is likely to be different than it was before you had cancer. These tips may help you to cope.

  • Make sure you have contact names and numbers of who to call if you have any questions about your treatment side effects.
  • Gentle exercise can help how you feel, improve mood and reduce fatigue.
  • Try to take each day as it comes and expect a few bad ones!
  • Do things at your own pace.
  • Don't feel bad about taking a nap when you need to. Your mind and body still need a lot of rest to recover from all you have been through.
  • Be prepared for mixed reactions from those you meet.
  • If you're feeling uncertain about going out for the first time, go with someone you love and trust.
  • If people don't know how to react to you, try not to get upset. Remember, most people don't mean to hurt you.
  • Don't feel that you have to explain too much to people if you don't want to. People are often just being caring or curious. Tell people as much as you want to.
  • If you're going back to work, ask your boss if you can do a few hours a week to begin with and build it up slowly.
  • Until you are ready, don't be afraid to get extra help doing housework, school runs and shopping. Most family and friends will want to help out.
  • Some people say that it helps a lot to talk to those close to you about feelings and worries.
  • It may help to speak with another cancer survivor. Ask your doctor or contact a local support group about putting you in touch with someone.

Find out about Cancer Connect, a service that connects people who've had cancer with volunteers who've had cancer as well.

Remember: you don't have to sort everything out at once!

If things get too hard and you feel very low for longer than a couple of weeks, see your doctor and discuss ways of helping you cope. Some people may find this hard to do or think of it as a weakness. Try not to think in this way. We all need help now and then. And it may be that you feel better for just having told someone about your feelings.

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