Reviewed by: Dr Amanda Hordern, PhD, and Doreen Akkerman, AM
On this page: Staying sexually confident | Being close | Things to keep in mind
Sexuality is about who you are, how you see yourself, how you express yourself sexually and your sexual feelings for others. It is much more than just sexual intercourse.
Having cancer doesn't mean you are no longer a sexual person, though it can change your usual sexual habits, desire and the way you feel about yourself. These changes may be temporary or longer lasting.
We hope this information makes it easier for you to talk with your partner, doctors and nurses about any problems.
This should be helpful whether you are with someone or single, gay or straight, young or old. Feel free to read only the sections that are relevant to you. Partners may also find it useful.
Some of the pictures may be a little confronting for some people; they are to help people find suitable lovemaking positions when their bodies have been affected by cancer or its treatment.
The trained counsellors at the our Cancer Council Helpline will listen to your concerns confidentially. Phone 13 11 20. See also our free sexuality and cancer workshops.
Sexual confidence or sexuality is often linked to overall feelings of wellbeing. This may be hard if you are feeling unwell, struggling to meet the demands of a busy family, juggling employment and generally coming to terms with having cancer.
If you feel unsure about yourself as a result of the cancer, you may also lack confidence sexually. It can help to talk and express these difficult feelings.
If you want to share your feelings, you may want to talk to someone you know you can trust, perhaps a family member or a close friend, who will listen and not judge you. Or you may want to call the Cancer Council Helpline, confidentially, on 13 11 20.
You may be able to talk directly with your partner and share any feelings. By talking openly you may overcome problems in communication that are common in matters of sex and cancer. You and your partner may like to have counselling, either together or alone.
If you are single, not having a partner around can limit the opportunity to share feelings. You may find support by talking to understanding friends and others who love you.
If you are in a new relationship, finding the right moment to tell your new partner about your situation is not easy. It may be useful to consider how safe you feel in this new relationship, and talk about your fears of rejection. This is particularly so if your appearance has changed or will change and you are anxious about it.
Cancer need not mean the end of your sexual life. But you may need to develop more openness and confidence, in and out of the bedroom. Your favourite lovemaking positions may become less comfortable temporarily, or may change over time. Try to keep an open mind about ways to feel sexual pleasure.
Sexual pleasure is not just about sexual intercourse. You and your partner can help each other reach satisfaction through touching and stroking. At times, just cuddling can be pleasure enough. You can always enjoy self-stimulation if desired.
Even if sex becomes impractical, such as during a severe or terminal illness, being physically warm and close remains important. A cuddle or a hug can be really satisfying.
If you are feeling weak or tired and want your partner to take a more active role in touching you, say so. If some part of your body is feeling tender or sore, guide your partner to areas that feel pleasurable.
Find out as much as you can about how your cancer and treatment could affect you - sexually and in other ways. See the list of suggested questions to ask your treatment team.
