By Annie Angle, cancer nurse, Dip. Oncology Nursing, Royal Marsden, London
Reviewed by Dr Michael Jefford MBBS, MPH, MHlthsevMt, PhD, MRACMA, FRACP, Consultant Medical Oncologist, Peter MacCallum Cancer Centre
Taken from 
Life after cancer booklet (1.5mb)
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Difficulties of returning to a new ‘normal'
Tips on how to cope with getting your life back
Not everyone who's had cancer will find it difficult to return to an active and full life after their treatment finishes. But for some people it can be very hard.
Try not to feel alone if you're struggling with things. Many cancer survivors have problems getting back to normal day-to-day life following their treatment. In fact, many say that you never get back to the ‘normal' way you lived before your cancer diagnosis. You find a new way of living and your ‘normal' is now different.
‘You never get back to the normal before you had cancer. It's a series of evolution-evolving as a different person.' (Julie)
How you feel and what you have to cope with will depend on the type of cancer you had. Any long-term side effects from your treatment will also play a big part.
As many as 75% of cancer survivors have problems with their health because of their cancer treatment. More than half suffer from ongoing pain. And nearly three-quarters experience depression at some stage in their illness or after care. Fatigue is also a big problem for many people long after their treatment's over. All these symptoms can be very debilitating and make day-to-day living very difficult. People around you may not even realise you're suffering, which can make it even harder to cope with.
Other, more visible side effects can make returning to work, sport and a social life very hard. For example, surgery may mean that you can no longer do certain things. Or scars can affect your body image and ability to talk or eat. Treatments may have affected your sex life, your ability to work and socialise. This can be very distressing.
Other people may not fully understand why you might be finding things tough. They may even say things like, ‘Now your treatment is over, you must be looking forward to getting back into your life and returning to "normal".' Your first reactions might be, ‘Yep, for sure, of course I am'. But you may soon realise that returning to ‘normal' isn't that easy.
What does ‘normal' mean anyway? How can you be expected to pick up where you left off before you were diagnosed with cancer? Others may expect you to, but you might not feel able or even want to go back to how life was before your treatment. Many survivors say that they feel like a different person, having been through a life changing experience. You may have different priorities, interests and attitudes about life now.
‘You come out and everybody says, "OK, you're OK now, and you can go back to your life," but you're completely different from how you went in. Physically, emotionally, you're a wreck; you just don't feel like the same person. Bloated, put on a lot of weight, can't walk properly, don't have any hair, extraordinarily tired. You know ... they tell you it's over but it doesn't feel over.' (Georgina)
It's important to give yourself time to adjust to things after you finish your treatment. This is especially important if you have any major changes in the way you look, feel or how you can move around or communicate with others. Take things at your own pace. You don't need to sort out everything at once. It can take time to find the right way to deal with each problem. Try not to be led by what others think you should be doing.
There will come a time when you might need to push yourself a bit. Go out and do everyday things again like shopping, seeing friends or maybe going back to work. To begin with, this may feel very scary. Staying at home may seem much easier. But in the long term, most people say that getting out and about does make them feel better.
Everyone is unique and deals with life after treatment differently. Some people have a lot of love and support from family and friends. Others may not. Some nurses and doctors give plenty of information about coping after treatment while others don't.
Whatever your situation, life is likely to be different than it was before you had cancer. The following tips may help you to cope.
Find out about Cancer Connect, a service that connects people who've had cancer with volunteers who've had cancer as well.
Remember: you don't have to sort everything out at once!
If things get too hard and you feel very low for longer than a couple of weeks, make an appointment to see your doctor to discuss ways of helping you cope. Some people may find this difficult to do or think of it as a weakness. If this is how you feel, try not to think in this way. We all need a bit of help now and then. And it may be that you feel better for just having told someone about your feelings.
