| Caring for someone | Being a carer | Your feelings & emotions |
| Practical issues for carers | Other people's reactions | Effects on relationships |
| Caring for yourself | What happens afterwards? | Help & support |
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Caring for Someone with Cancer (793kb)
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Carers with medical problems of their own
Different stages, people and caring
A carer is someone who provides physical and emotional support to a person who is ill or disabled. You might be the partner (husband, wife, girlfriend or boyfriend), son, daughter, relative, friend or neighbour of a person with cancer.
You are someone who is sharing that person's experience of cancer. You may live with the person and provide care 24 hours a day or visit a few hours a week to help. Or you may be a long distance carer and coordinate most of the care over the phone, only visiting occasionally.
Some carers may not have chosen their role. It can come about due to changing and unplanned circumstances. You may have felt pressured into your caring role by expectations or a sense of duty. You might not even feel that close to the person. Some carers have other commitments, such as young children, or a demanding job or studies. Carers can be young or elderly. However many hours you care and whatever your age or circumstances, caring can be a difficult but very important role.
Caring may involve helping with practical jobs such as cooking meals, shopping, transport, hygiene needs, paying bills or organising and attending medical appointments. It can also mean giving emotional and spiritual support.
Knowing how to listen, when to talk and sensing when ‘being there' is all that the person with cancer needs, are a few of the greatest skills a carer can have.
Most carers will be providing all of these things without realising it. But we feel it is still important to acknowledge your valuable work as a carer.
It can take time to adjust to becoming a carer. Your role can be full of rewarding, yet challenging, times for you and the person you are caring for. You may have strong, conflicting emotions, feel confused and wonder if you will cope. Many carers find it hard to focus on their own feelings so they put all their energy into the person with cancer. This may be necessary sometimes but there are going to be times when it will be extremely important to take care of your own needs. You may not feel you have time to do this. It is only natural to worry that taking time out for yourself may impact on the quality of care you can give. But if you don't, eventually, your overall health and wellbeing may suffer, which may make it difficult to look after the person.
‘I realise that looking after my needs while caring for my husband with cancer is so important; it's like being on the plane when the safety announcement tells you to put the oxygen mask on yourself first before helping others.' - Carole, age 66
Not everyone who cares for someone with cancer is fit and well themselves. Some carers have their own medical problems; these could include chronic pain, mobility problems, diabetes or depression. Some problems may have happened since you became a carer. You may be elderly and frail or even have cancer yourself.
If you are ill or disabled, being a carer can bring up different emotions and challenges than if you have good health. You may neglect your own health needs, believing that they are not as important now in comparison to the person you are caring for. You may do things that you wouldn't normally do, such as help lift the person, forget to take your own medication or not eat or rest when you usually do. If you have just been diagnosed with cancer, you may feel pressure to recover more quickly so you can get back to your caring role. You may make decisions about your own care and treatment that you are not completely happy with so that you can finish treatment sooner.
We hope this information will reassure you that your needs are just as important as those of the person with cancer. You can still care for them well but you may need to modify how you do this to ensure that your health problems don't worsen. See the section titled ‘Caring for yourself'.
‘I was told I had cancer and my first reaction was to think, "I don't have cancer, I can't have cancer. Who will look after Bill?" ' - Lesley, age 72
A significant number of young carers are 25 years or younger. Even some children under the age of 12 are playing a caring role for someone with cancer. Young carers often have a lot of emotional and practical responsibilities compared to other people their age - for example, helping a parent shower, get dressed, take their medication or eat their meals.
As well as caring for the person with cancer you may also be helping care for your younger brothers or sisters. Trying to study, attend school or fit into your peers' social life can be very difficult for a young person to cope with along with everything you do as a carer.
There are support services and resources specifically for young carers. Call the Cancer Council Helpline on 13 11 20 or Carers Victoria on 1800 242 636 to find out more. Ask them about respite centres that have young carer funding and programs.
Very few Indigenous people would think of themselves as carers; however, many have significant care-giving responsibilities, including looking after their elders and other family members with an illness, including cancer. As an Indigenous carer you may have fear and mistrust of mainstream services. You may not be linked to carer support services. If you are an Indigenous person, please use this information. You may also find it helpful to call Carers Victoria on 1800 242 636 for specific information to suit your needs and those of the person you are caring for.
It can be very difficult to care for someone when you don't live nearby. You may feel that you don't have the full picture about what is happening with their treatment and care. At times you may feel that you are being left out of helping make important decisions or that you are finding things out later than you would like.
This can be hurtful and hard to cope with, especially if you are very close to the person with cancer. You may feel guilty that you cannot be there more often or worry that you are not providing the right kind of support. However, you may be doing more than you think. Caring from a distance may mean that you can be more objective about things and solve problems that other close friends or family members are unable to solve. Sometimes, people with cancer feel stifled by people being around all the time. Your distance may allow them to speak more freely or express emotions they would otherwise keep to themselves.
If you are unsure about how to best care for someone from a distance, think about the following tips and strategies.
Remember to also allow yourself to relax and not worry all the time about the person with cancer. You cannot do everything from a distance. There will be times when you will just have to trust that others have things under control.
Caring for a child with cancer can be quite different from caring for an adult; parents and relatives report that it is very emotionally demanding. Along with the anxiety that might occur throughout the decision-making and treatment process, there are normal parenting issues: making sure the child is doing normal things for their age, such as having play time, and keeping up with school work. Parents try to ensure siblings don't feel isolated and left out of family life; this may be very difficult when most of the attention needs to be on the sick child.
Some of the information in this section will be helpful for carers of young children. For more specific information, call the Cancer Council Helpline on 13 11 20. You can also ask for further information from the medical team at the hospital caring for the child.
Becoming a carer of someone with cancer can happen at different stages of the illness. It may happen suddenly or very gradually over a long period of time. Your role may begin when the person is in the early stages of cancer and cure is the aim. You may take on the role when the cancer is advanced and cure is not possible. You may have cared for someone whose cancer was treated many years ago and now the cancer has come back and you need to take on that role again.
When you first begin to care for someone with cancer they may not ask much of you. But as time goes on and their treatment affects them, you may feel they place more and more demands on you. The needs of the person with cancer will vary depending on their age, the stage of their cancer, their cultural and religious background and the type of treatment they are having.
Certain times may be more challenging or traumatic than others. The demands on you and how you feel will vary depending on what is going on. For example, caring for your mother in the early stages of cancer will bring up different emotions for you than if you were caring for her in the advanced stage of the disease. Caring for a young child will have its own unique difficulties. Cultural differences can be challenging as well. For example, for some people, the causes of cancer are set in beliefs about the spiritual world of curses and being ‘paid back' for supposed misdeeds. Such beliefs may influence how you discuss cancer and its treatment. Sometimes strong family values and cultural beliefs affect how people wish to be cared for or how you want to care for someone, placing strong expectations upon you as the carer.
Care for the person with cancer as best you can. Ask for help if you have any questions or difficulties. Everyone will do it in their own way. The important thing is to recognise that everyone's needs (both the carer's and the person with cancer's) may differ at different stages of the disease. Respecting the needs of all involved is very important.
